Enabling VS Helping

If you have a loved one who is an alcoholic or an addict, there is a possibility that you have become an enabler. Al-Anon is an amazing support group for loved ones of alcoholics and addicts, they help each other cope with the loved one’s misuse of substances but also addresses the enabling behaviors.

How do you know if you are enabling or helping a person with a substance use disorder? First of all don’t beat your self up, it is normal to want to help the people you love. So often friends and family members that try to help make the situation worse by enabling a person who misuses alcohol.

What is Enabling?

Enabling is defined as doing things for the addict or alcoholic that normally they would do for themselves if they where clean and sober. In contrast, helping is doing things for them that normally they would not do for themselves if clean and sober. As long as what you are doing for the addict or alcoholic is not protecting them from the consequences of their actions you are in the clear. Enabling an addict or alcoholic delays their decision to get help and make changes in their lives, so what you are doing is actually just prolonging the suffering of the individual. It is in their best interest that you stop enabling them so that they face the consequences of their using and ‘hit rock bottom’ as the 12 step fellowships call it.

How to stop.

Should you now realize that you are in fact enabling a loved one with substance use disorder, it is time for change. Keep in mind that you can not control the individual but you can control your reactions towards the person and this is where you need to start. Start by setting up some boundaries with that person and stop taking over their personal responsibilities. Support their recovery efforts and stop making excuses for them if they are not making an attempt to change. Be sure not to save the alcoholic or addict from any kind of consequences they might have to face as a result of their addiction.

Enabling comes in many shapes and sizes, if you are currently paying bills of a loved one with substance use disorder or giving them a place to stay you could be enabling. Ask yourself would this person be in this mess if they were sober? If the answer is no then STOP cleaning the mess that might be the turning point in this persons life. When the enabling stops and the addict or alcoholic has no safety net to fall back on it forces them to take responsibility for their actions and ask for help. If we enable we rob our loved ones of the opportunity to get the right help and build a new and healthy life.

BE BRAVE, SET BOUNDARIES

CHANTELLE EDWARDS

COUNSELOR